I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
