she looked like the before picture.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
