Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
