dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
