The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
