At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They took my balls.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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