By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
40s are totally the cure
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
