Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
