Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
