she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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