i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
