How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
