smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My vagina is officially offended.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize