Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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