I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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