So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
