If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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