Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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