We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
