it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
