we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
