Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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