my mouth tastes like poor choices
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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