i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
