it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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