Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
