you traded sex for a burrito?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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