these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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