from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
