if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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