you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tornado booty call.. dedication
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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