She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
