Welp...herpes.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this just has baby written all over it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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