where am i from again
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's shark week go big or go home
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
