Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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