You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
