I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
