I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
