She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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