Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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