there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize