Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
