dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
God I need to hump something, right now.
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