i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize