One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
His nipple licking is glorious
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