ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
