Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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