I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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