I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize