The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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