I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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