it hurts more in the daytime
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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