I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
