He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
