chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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