Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.

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(972): View more from Texas

oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.

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(716): View more from New York

Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?

(716): View more from New York

If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.

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(283): View more from Ohio

he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka

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(928): View more from Arizona

I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.

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