Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
True strength comes from lack of pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize