So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
