I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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