So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
