He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
