I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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