Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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