1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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