in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
